Resistance...Is it really futile?

I cannot judge those around me for being sad, ridiculous fools when I chase after something I don't even want; this thing I don't even like.  I don't respect it.  It actually repulses me most of the time, yet I chase it.  It is some sort of pointless game of cat and mouse.  If I were to catch it, I would throw it back.  I'm pretty sure.  Positive, in fact. 

So why have I spent two months of my life wasting my time?  I should know the answer to this question.  I say this because I know I don't even like it.  The answer should be a given.  So I ask myself, "What is wrong with me?"  I'm changing.  I'm growing.  I am becoming me again.  It is very possible that I chase this stupid, nasty, crass thing because I am afraid to keep growing.  The familiar uncomfortable, painful, bad choices draw me to this game because it is what I have known for years. 

The familiar feels safe no matter how unsafe and painful it may be.  I must resist this temptation to settle for less than I deserve.  I must resist the temptation to choose to fail because I am afraid to succeed.  This is only one of the reasons I cannot judge those sad, pathetic fools I see around me. 

Forget catch and release.  I'll just cut the line and let it go. And forget the mouse.  He's tasteless anyway.